The day I dropped my wallet in the mailbox

This post was written on the evening of May 6th.  We decided to give it a couple of days before posting it.  Mostly because I needed the gather my courage to share.

Today I dropped my wallet in the mailbox. At least I think I did. The truth is, I'm currently sitting in my car waiting for the postal worker to show up at which point I will beg him to see if it is in there and give it back. Meanwhile, my 4.5 year old son is sitting the backseat playing his Nintendo 3DS.

Today has been a rough day. Mondays always seem to be rough, right? There were lots of things that happened today that made it rougher than normal. Baby Girl has a fever and is working on some teeth. I had tons of work to do for my little Etsy shop. I got a little over ambitious regarding Mother's Day. It's just been one of those days.

Except for me, a person who deals with anxiety, this is just a little more than a bad day. It means I'm sitting in my car panicking over this wallet. What if he doesn't give it to me? What if I have to drive clear across town to get it tomorrow? Without a driver's license. Then, what if I get pulled over? What if it isn't even in the mailbox and I lost it somewhere else? What if someone finds it and steals my identity?

And Baby Girl. What if this fever isn't teething? Should I take her in? How long do you wait?

It's a downward spiral.



This, my friends, is a rough day. A day when I can hardly sit still. My face feels hot and red. My chest is so tight it aches. There's a slight buzzing in my head because I'm probably not breathing enough.

The worst part is, there is nothing I can do to fix any of it right now. I just have to breathe and hope that my friendly postal worker shows up soon.

Anxiety is tough. I deal with it every day. There are times when I can keep it under control on my own. Sometimes exercise does the trick. Other times it takes a prescription. It just depends. I sleep with a mouth guard every night just to keep from clenching my teeth.  Ask my husband about how sexy that is.

But you know what? I'm okay. I'm a happy girl with a really good life. I have a fantastic husband, wonderful children and a great family. I am lucky to have supportive friends. There is a roof over my head and food in my pantry. I am educated and resourceful. I can always cancel my cards and get a new drivers license. Little man is being exceptionally patient as we sit here and for that I'm grateful. He is counting the change in my car. Best of all, there is a Diet Dr Pepper and a fancy chocolate bar waiting for me at home, courtesy of my sweet husband.

It might not feel like it right now, but everything is going to be OK.

Epilogue

After an hour and a half waiting for the postal worker to arrive (he never did) I called it quits and went home.  Just as I was about to pull in, my husband called and said, "You owe our neighbor a big kiss.  He found your wallet outside and just brought it over."

There is good in the world.  There are good people in the world.  Worst-case scenarios don't always play out.  In fact, while I am always worried about the possibility, I am happy to report that most of the time, it just isn't the case.