My Unqualified Words of Mommy Wisdom

I don't want anyone to confuse our blog with the traditional "Mommy Blog". Yes, two-thirds of us are moms and the other third hopes to be a mom at some point. (Hopefully soon, because the 26 nieces and nephews I currently have just aren't enough.) This adventure is about more than being a mom. It's about sharing our opinions and experiences. However, my experience over the last 1,719 days - it seems like so much longer - involves being a mom. In fact, it has been one of my central roles in life, so since it's the day before Mother's Day, the topic of motherhood itself deserves a little bit of attention.

So in honor of all of the lists on the Internet, I am going to share a list.

My Unqualified Words of Mommy Wisdom

1.  Hold your babies as much as possible. Smell them. Marvel at their tiny toes and fingers. They are only little once. Soak it up. You aren't always going to have the time to do this. It isn't spoiling, it is loving. Plus, there will be plenty of time for you to ignore them later on. Like when they are 4 years old and incessantly asking you for Pirate Booty as you are placing dinner on the table.

2. Follow your gut. If you think your kid is sick, take him to the doctor. If you think she is delayed in some way, meet with a professional. If you don't agree with a diagnosis, get a second opinion. Your gut is good. You have a gift from God, nature or whatever higher power you believe in that allows you to figure out what is best for you kid. You are the his parent and therefore his biggest advocate. Be the mama bear.

3.  Parenting is 50% nurturing and 50% manipulation. Every single day I feel like I'm trying to outsmart my kids to get them to do what I want. I use rewards (bribery), logic, and flattery to get things done. Sometimes I even pit them against each other. Our little guy is particularly susceptible to this trick. All if I have to do is say, "I bet Baby Sister can get in the car/get dressed/pick up toys faster than you." and he will race to complete the task. Keep in mind, by "Baby Sister" I mean me helping her. Is this creating an unhealthy sibling rivalry? Probably. Does it get him to do what I ask? Uhhhhh, sometimes. As Brian Fantana once said, "They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time." Yes, I just quoted a fictional character from "Anchorman" to support my parenting advice. That is how unqualified we are.

4. Pay attention to them when they are talking. They have important things to say. Or you might just hear something hilarious. A couple of months ago, my son told me that his "plunger hurt." His plunger?! Whaaaaa? Turns out his "plunger" is the word he has designated - all by himself - to describe his "manly regions." The conversation got even better when he told me his plunger needed a band-aid. Not a band-aid near it.  A band-aid around it. I laughed for days. In fact, I'm laughing now. And I will probably use this as some form of parental manipulation in the future. Maybe when he is fourteen and I want him to clean his bathroom.

5. Take photos. Take photo of your kids. Take photos of your parents with your kids. Take photos of you with your kids. Take photos of you by yourself.  They grow up far too fast and these memories will fade with time. Their memories of you while you were young will fade. Do you have a camera on your phone? Use it. So what if they aren't the greatest photos of all time? They are your life and in fifty years they will be precious and perfect.

6. Teach your kids the value of work. I remember when I was young, my dad found ways for us to work. Picture two little blonde girls dropping a railroad sledgehammer, smashing aluminum cans in their Las Vegas driveway. You just pictured my childhood. When it came time to earn money for camp or school activities, I folded laundry for a dollar. Hundreds of loads of laundry for 7 people. No wonder I hate folding laundry now. All those cans and pairs of socks taught me a valuable lesson. Things in life don't come free. If you want something, work for it.

7. From Ben - Sometimes the best way to be a better parent is to get away from your kids. Don't be afraid to get a babysitter. Maybe for just a night. Or even a long weekend. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Also, a full night of sleep will make you a better person. I promise.

8. Don't underestimate your kids. As first-time parents, you might think, "There is no way he will be able to _______." Kids are a lot more capable and resilient than you think they are. We thought moving our son into a toddler bed would be the greatest fight of our lives. Nope. He slept in it happily from the first night. Getting rid of the binky on the other hand . . . Yeesh.

9. In the words of our child's teacher, Ms. Laura, "Different is okay." One of our children has unique challenges. One day Ben heard an interview on NPR that described what it is like having a child who is profoundly different. The overall analogy goes something like this: having kids is a like planning a vacation to Italy. You read all the guide books, plan your visit, and talk to everyone you know that has been there. After 9 months of planning, you board the plane and fly to your destination. When you get off the plane, you discover that you have landed in Holland. Holland is not Italy. You didn't plan for Holland and you don't have the foggiest idea what to do in Holland. But that is okay because Holland is pretty great in its own way. They have tulips and who doesn't love a bouquet of tulips? Embrace your destination. Embrace your child's differences. Realize that God sent this child to you because you are supposed to be their parent.

10. Realize your kids are just kids. Cut them slack. This doesn't mean let them get away with mean, harmful or destructive behavior. It just means we need to realize that, just like us, they are still learning. As I was writing this post, Ben discovered a crack in our Nintendo 3DS. Obviously our son had something to do with this. Understandably we are annoyed with the situation. Little guy picked up on this and immediately felt remorse for what had happened. He is currently wracking his 4 year old brain to figure out how to fix it. It took his look of remorse to remind us that sometimes the best way to deal with a situation is through kindness and love. Be loving. Be forgiving and remember, they are just kids!